Oh, what was my last post about? Homework? Whee.

Now on to serious things. Let's say divorce. Remember when ting left? That sure hurt. Things went numb.

You know, patience in chinese is ren3. Written like so: 忍 It's composed of a knife 刀 above a heart 心. So you can say patience is having a knife placed over your heart, and kept there. See how long you last.

I keep thinking: If the house is just clean and tidy, she won't leave. I know there's more to it than that. But frankly speaking, the house is an utter mess. Everything's everywhere.

I want to play Go. There's no point in me advancing to dan levels if MSJ Go club's gone. You know, I got so mad today that I accidentally cut my left pinky with my nail. But I want to keep playing Go so it'll still hold meaning for me. Now it's like everything I do I can analogize it to a game of Go.

Maybe it's because of Brian's rocket-speed to 4dan that inspired me and made me competitive. Ha, I'm so easily influenced by the people around me. What do I want?

I want to stay at Mission, I want a decent routine and tidy house, someone to talk to, and a hug.

Maybe I should try reading the options (the exchange kind) book that my parents bought a few years ago and try to make a living on that. Help my mom support herself. But that'll take my time away from Go. Five more ranks, one month. But it's just a game. This is real stuff. But it's a record. But it's just a game. Save it. You've got chances. Who cares? ... well I do, but that's being freakin selfish.

We're all selfish come to think of it. We all have our wants. I dunno about needs, that you can put it somewhere along the subjective line.

I haven't drastically changed in so long. I remember being aware when I was determining my personality. Hm... I don't think my brain works half as much as it used to. How should I jump start it?

Kay, how bout clean house, plan time, then think about stuff?

>.> STAR testing on monday starts. And SATs next year. And the bio SAT this year. I'm not going to take it. I didn't study for it at all. I mean, yes, my bio grade's great right now, but no, I still don't have the confidence I'll make it in that SAT.

How do you clean a mess? Wipe stuff away, then toss it. Okay, what about stuff you want to keep? Ahm..................... keep it? Then......... put it somewhere organized? Like what? ahhhh.......... lets.... see,................ where it's supposed to be.

Subway sandwiches are tasty but a tad sour because of pickles. I have an orange paper band stuck on my left wrist that just won't come off unless I cut it. I don't want to cut it. There's this plastic latch holding it together that just won't come apart. But I don't want to give up on it. >.> At this rate it might be stuck for a few days..... and get wet when I wash.

Okay, back to how clean. put things where they should be. And if there's no category? MAke one? ....... sure. And then....... ahm..... what if there's too much stuff? Get rid of it? How do you decide? ...... ehh....... prioritize? How do you do that with random objects? Like receipts, bills, binder paper. And CDs. old stuff. Oh yeah, normal people just trash that, huh? I'm a really set-in-my-ways pack rat >.> I never throw out my schoolwork. It's not organized, but everything's just thrown into bins. Well... this year is somewhat better. As in my math homework is all in a file, science, the binder, etc. The organized closet I had in Sept. is now again in chaos. Not complete chaos, but let's say 60% messed up?

So ... what was it?

for time priority as in do when you get home: clean house, I don't care if ma says she's leaving during summer anyways. That hurts. Okay.

Then study. What? Go. And options. Read options book throughout cleaning. And Go thirty minutes a day. Whatt...... how. Too much stuff.

Restart. Must keep at this. Or else my mind's gonna fall into chaos's oblivion. So finish homework. 15-thirty min go. (books) Uhoh.... optionetics or cleaning? I'll take the housework first. I probably'll never get it done. But I need a plan, because failing to plan is planning to fail.

1. homework

2. clean the house (take all time until major done), then onto 30 min

3. Go 30 min

4. Optionetics and hour.

So that's like once cleaned, it's two hours worth of time taken other than hw. So that makes four. I get home at three.... that's seven. And hour dinner and hour preparation sleep/food. Must sleep at nine or else you won't make it anywhere.

So now what do I do? Get homework, finish it. Then clean? I want to clena now. No!. Gah. Okay. Stick with the plan. Always plan.

I think I'm going to be okay now.